You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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