Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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