So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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