Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
