I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
