He had one of those small greek statue penises
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
