make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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