I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think I sprained my soul last night
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
