Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's never too late to be topless.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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