she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
