Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
