Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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