Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
