So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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