Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
His hands were made for my vagina.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
