He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
