Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
