Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
