The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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