Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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