You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
