i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
