Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
