So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Randomize
