Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
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There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
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I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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