he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
