dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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