I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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