All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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