It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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