i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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