you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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