Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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