Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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