Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
