I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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