Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
