i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize