Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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