i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
