you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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