It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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