Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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