Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
