Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
