i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
