He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
