so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
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They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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