What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
