Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
