Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
