my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.