and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot