Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
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I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
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I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.