If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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