i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
