apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
