She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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