Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Princesses don't give blow jobs
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud ð³
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
when your dumb AF ex âaccidentallyâ venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... âsorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
